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All Deviations


Science is the study of God,
and I, with squinted eyes,
studied avidly.

I saw how He molded you
of dust and DNA
and you evolved into a beautiful,
delicate creature of miracle and perfection.
Yet the portrait I had painted of humanity,
geometric and opaque,
was of body, not mind.
Casually blinded by beauty,
I had merely seen your reflection off the glass.
I had forgotten your face, weathered and weary,
turning with hope towards distant horizons.
I had forgotten your soul, hanging delicately like
a gossamer vine of Babylon, and your
confusion as you gazed at me with those inquisitive eyes,
and I, unprepared and unarmed,
delved into the vertigo.
It was not until then I saw that I,
fool that I am,
had been praying for the end of all things
while you
had been praying for the
beginning.
©2007-2008 ~feelinhungry
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Submitted: January 14, 2007
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Author's Comments

This is entirely the first draft. I don't know what to make of it. I don't know if my point comes across. I don't know if my style is successful because I've never written like this before. Please please PLEASE critique.
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~nocturnal-creations:iconnocturnal-creations: Jan 17, 2007, 8:29:28 AM
wonderful to see something by you again

this line "I had been casually blinded by beauty;" seems awkward to me, too many words I think. Maybe just "casually blinded by beauty" would work better.

the last few lines are lovely, I especially like the spacing, it conveys more emotion.

--
"I dont wanna be your other half, I believe that one and one make two.." -alanis
~feelinhungry:iconfeelinhungry: Jan 17, 2007, 2:50:14 PM
Thank you!! It feels wonderufl to write something again. I will definitely look at that again, I see your point. I will probably change a few other things too. I really appreciate your comment!!

--
If you have 3 cans of soda and you gave it to a hobo, why do they have toes?? None! BEARS DON'T EAT CHICKEN!!!!

My.Photography: ~Photolectric